


The best type of bravery

by beejones



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: F/F, canon-divergent, set some time around S2 i guess?, these girls need therapy and this is the best I could do
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-03-07 08:19:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18869356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beejones/pseuds/beejones
Summary: Catra and Adora unpack some of their emotional baggage, thank god.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sure in the show the (inevitable?possible?pleaseohplease?) catradora reconciliation will involve lots of bravery and heroic deeds. But I just want these two gorgeous dorks to hug it out and get some therapy.

It had been painstakingly slow, but Catra was single-minded. Tower by tower, window by window, she had climbed up and down and across and down and up again, over and over, under the cover of darkness. She knew she had found the right place when she heard Adora talking to herself.

‘…And today I wanted to speak to you about…no, today I want to hear what you think about…no. Arggh!’ Frustration was evident in her voice. Catra could imagine the way her face was scrunching up right now, and how it would settle into a look of fierce determination. Typical Adora.

For the first time in a long, long time, Catra could think about her without feeling the need to break something.

A quick peek over the windowsill showed the room was empty so she climbed silently inside. She could hear movement through an open door off to the left - a bathing room? A moment later Adora appeared, the towel wrapped around her head confirming Catra’s guess. She was wearing some kind of short fluffy…robe - it wasn’t something they had in the Fright Zone - and studying a piece of parchment.

‘No, okay, so Frosta will introduce us and then…’ she glanced up absently and shrieked as she spotted Catra. The scroll went flying and the towel fell off the back of Adora’s head, leaving hanks of wet hair trailing over her shoulders.

‘Catra!’ She sputtered. ‘What-’

‘Do you think I’m like Shadow Weaver?’ Catra interrupted. Her voice was monotone, her eyes dull. Adora paused in her automatic scan for weapons, confused. ‘What?’

‘Do you?’ Catra persisted. ‘Do you think of me like Shadow Weaver now?’

‘What are you _doing_ here? How did you find my room?’

Catra hissed angrily. ‘Just answer the question, Adora!’

Adora tugged the robe a little more tightly around herself, crossing her arms protectively across her chest. ‘I don’t know, Catra. Do _you_ think you’re like her?’

Catra was about to say something scathing when she heard footsteps in the corridor. Someone knocked.

‘Adora? Are you alright? I heard you cry out.’

Adora grimaced. ‘My neighbor,’ she whispered.

Catra tensed, not sure what to expect, but Adora was already calling back through the door. ‘I’m fine, Ripple. I just slipped. Sorry to disturb you.’

‘Not to worry, dear. Sweet dreams!’

Catra couldn’t even work up a jibe about the nauseatingly kind-hearted inhabitants of Bright Moon. She was too miserable, too wound up. When the footsteps faded away again she spoke as if no one had interrupted them.

‘I didn’t need to come all the way to Bright Moon to know what _I_ think. Don’t be such a coward, Adora. Just say you do.’

‘Why did you bother coming if you already know what I’m going to say?’ Adora snapped back.

‘Argh, would you stop being so annoying for _one second_ -’

‘ _I’m_ annoying? Catra, you’re the one who - no, argh, can we not fight about this?’ She put a hand to her forehead and inhaled deeply. ‘I meant it as a genuine question. Because it kind of sounded like maybe you do think that you’re like…her.’ 

Catra stared stubbornly off to one side. If she left, she wouldn’t have to get into this. Into how she felt. She could just shove everything back down again and…be miserable. Make other people miserable. If that was what she wanted.

Damn it. It wasn’t.

‘ I would - I never tried to be her. I didn’t want... I just - today-’ She stopped, took a deep breath, and started again. ‘A few days ago Lonnie was angry about something and she called Scorpia my side kick. I tried not to think about it, but today one of the new cadets said I was worse than Shadow Weaver.’ Her tail twitched in agitation. ‘I’d never…thought of myself like that.’

Catra thought of the strange First Ones temple, the holograms, the anger and resentment and despair she had felt. ‘I know I said you wanted a sidekick but…it wasn’t true. You always listened to what I said, even when it was dumb.We were friends. Scorpia…I just make her do the things I want. I make everyone do what I want. And if they don’t I get angry. I get mean.’

Catra took an uneven breath and wiped at her eyes. Putting what she was feeling into words was impossible. Stupid. But surely Adora, if anyone, would…

Adora crossed slowly to the ridiculous pink bed and sat on the edge, tucking her hands under her thighs, staring at the floor. She looked older than she ever had before, but for some reason Catra was still reminded of when they were little, and scared.

‘I know, in my head, that Shadow Weaver was wrong in how she treated us. I know she lied and manipulated us and I don’t want anything to do with her, ever again. But,’ Adora shrugged helplessly, voice subdued. ‘I still…I mean, I don’t hear her voice, but… I know what she’d think of everything I do. I know when she’d tell me that I haven’t tried hard enough, and that I need to be stronger. I feel like I always have to be useful. I feel, so deeply, that I have to do everything right or the people I love will suffer.’ Adora squeezed her eyes shut. ‘I hate it, but she was such a big part of my life…it’s not easy to let go. I know it takes time.’

Catra drifted closer and settled into a crouch a few metres away from the bed. She pulled angrily at a tuft of carpet. The words in her head were different, but… yeah, she recognised what Adora was saying.

‘I guess - ugh, it’s so stupid.’ She shook her head, sniffing. ‘I think I wanted to prove to her, to Hordak, that I was better than they thought. That I could be better than anyone. Which is so, so stupid, because I hate her! And everyone hates me. Why do I even care what they think?’ She sprang up and started pacing around the room. She gesticulated with each sentence. ‘Is that really what I want? To be like them? To be in the Horde? Why would I want to stay with them, when I could…’ she paused, staring hard at the floor.

‘In my whole life, you’re the person who always looked out for me without wanting anything back. Even when I thought I hated you, you were always reaching out. And I’m just - damn it.’ She ran her fingers through her hair angrily. ‘I’m a total disaster, just like she always said. I make all the wrong choices. I-’

‘Hey.’ Adora leapt up and took Catra’s face in her hands. ‘Hey. Don’t say that. It’s not true.’

Catra tried to jerk away but Adora held tight, shaking her a little.

‘ _Listen_. Sometimes I look at Glimmer and her mum and I wonder why she got someone so wonderful, and we got stuck with Shadow Weaver. But there’s no reason!’ Adora pressed her forehead against Catra’s. ‘We didn’t do anything wrong. It wasn’t our fault. What we went through was bad…but she was wrong and we can choose to be different from her. Different from how she wanted us to be.’

‘Really? _Really_ , Adora?’ Catra pulled away and threw up her hands. ‘You _just_ finished telling me you still think about her all the time! I’ve been in command for two months and I’ve already done things I never would have thought I’d do. And even before you left, I-’ She put a hand over her face. ‘I loved you, but sometimes I hated you too. I was jealous and I was angry even though you’re the best thing in my life. How messed up is that? And-and when I had the chance to go with my best friend, I didn’t! What is _wrong_ with me?’ Catra became incoherent, her words giving way to chest-shaking sobs.

‘Catra.’ Adora’s voice was gentle and loving and oh so sad. She folded Catra into her arms and somehow she was crying too. She didn’t make much noise, but Catra knew the uncontrolled shaking and quiet gasps of Adora hiding her tears. They’d both had a lot of practice, growing up.

Endless minutes passed. Finally Adora spoke again, her voice hoarse.

‘I left the Horde because I wanted to help people, but by doing that I hurt the person I love most in the world. And put her in danger.’ She drew back and stared fiercely into Catra’s eyes. ‘So what’s wrong with _me_? Every day I criticise myself for that decision. But I still don’t know how I should have done it. Sometimes all the choices are bad.’ She wiped tears away from Catra’s cheek gently. ‘And yes, I still think about her, but it’s only been a few months. She had us for _years_.’

Catra snorted, a pale glimpse of her usual smirk. ‘Do you ever not look at things optimistically?’

‘All the time.’ Adora’s forehead crinkled. ‘One time when I was really anxious, Glimmer told me that one of the best types of bravery is to keep trying, even though you think you did the wrong thing last time. It helps when you have people around you that you trust.’

‘The power of friendship,’ Catra mocked gently.

Adora poked her in the ribs. ‘Cynic.’

Catra pulled away and sat on the bed, brooding. The silence lingered uneasily. She felt out of place in this gorgeous princess’ room, and it made her want to lash out. But she didn’t have to, she told herself. There were other ways to be.

Eye contact was a step too far, though. When she spoke, it was in the general direction of Adora’s feet. ‘I’m sorry for the things I’ve done since you left.’ Her voice was quiet but every word felt strong. ‘I was wrong. I know it doesn’t make any difference, but I wish I’d come with you. Even if I hadn’t joined the rebellion, we could have still…been friends.’

‘I’m sorry too.’ Adora knelt in front of her and grabbed her hands. She was so strong, so warm. ‘For everything. I hate that I broke my promise to you. I hate being apart from you. I hate that I hurt you when we were growing up, and-’

‘Hey.’ It was Catra’s turn to take Adora’s face in her hands. ‘Let’s…not apologise for when we were kids. Like you said, it wasn’t our fault.’ She gave a crooked smile. ‘Let’s blame Shadow Weaver instead. She definitely deserves it.’

Adora giggled and Catra smiled tentatively back. Her heart felt so full and strange, like it could float her up to the ceiling.

‘I’ve been really wrong, but I’m going to be better.’ Determination flooded her. She might not be an eight foot tall magical warrior princess, but she was strong and smart and she knew how to persevere. She could make her own choices.

‘Do you mean…’ Adora trailed off, suddenly shy.

‘I want to stay here with you. If you’ll have me.’ Catra’s confident voice was a little undermined by the nervous twitching of her tail. This wasn’t what she’d planned when she left the Fright Zone, but the sudden decision felt more right than anything she could ever remember.

‘Catra!’ Adora flung herself forward, strong arms squeezing until it was hard to breathe. ‘Oh! I - Catra - argh!’ Words gave way to tears again - and not just Adora’s. When the outburst finally passed they were curled up on their sides, foreheads resting against each other.

‘I’m so happy,’ Adora whispered in wonder.

Catra laced their fingers together and smiled. ‘Me too.’

Adora took a shaky breath and a stray tear slipped out of her eye. ‘I just want to keep you in here with me for ever and ever. We can - oh no!’ She sprang upright and stared at Catra with apprehension. ‘Is anyone waiting for you outside? Will they come to find you?’

Catra shook her head and tugged on Adora’s arm, but she wouldn’t lie down again. Catra huffed out a sigh. Fine, she’d explain the whole embarrassing thing. ‘When the cadet said that thing earlier today, I just kind of…froze. They were training and they didn’t know I was there. I just walked out. Out of the training room and the barracks until I got to the machinery sheds, and then I took a skiff until I got out of the Fright Zone. Once I got past the desert I dumped the skiff and walked. I don’t really remember much of it.’ She shrugged, trying to pretend she was fine with that terrifyingly blank absent feeling from earlier. Like her body was there but there was no Catra inside it. Only a dull pulse, deep in her soul, that pointed her towards Bright Moon. _Adora_.

‘You walked?’Adora looked panicky. ‘How long did that take? It’s so far! Are you hurt? Were you attacked? You must be _exhausted_.’

Catra rolled her eyes, pretending Adora’s concern didn’t make her warm inside. ‘It’s fine, Adora. I can take care of myself.’

‘Of course you can. Duh. But I still worry about you.’

Adora was crying again so Catra pulled her back down onto the bed and into her arms.

Later they would fall into an exhausted sleep, and in the morning Adora would wake up first and fetch a plate of food for them to share in bed; she would brush the knots out of Catra’s hair and Catra would climb over every piece of furniture in the room while Adora got dressed. Later they would have to face the rest of Bright Moon, emerging from Adora’s room pale-faced but determined, clutching one another’s hands. Later would bring its own joys and problems; for now, Catra inhaled the sweet scent of Adora’s freshly-washed hair and smiled through her tears. Right now, Catra was at peace.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn’t expecting to add to this fic, but... here’s another chapter anyway. Mostly because I want to see Catra keep choosing to be a better person! 
> 
> There’ll be one more chapter, I think, shorter than the first two.

‘Maybe we can borrow something from Glimmer?’ Adora suggested doubtfully. The look Catra gave her in return was…well, probably not unexpected.

‘I’ll just wear this grey one.’ Catra shrugged. ‘It’s a top.’

‘It’s my top _for sleeping_.’

‘Who’s going to know?’

Adora bit off more arguments when Catra casually stripped off her red Horde top and pulled on Adora’s grey singlet in its place. Catra half-naked was always pretty to look at, but what made Adora pause - what made her eyes fill with tears - was the casual intimacy of the action. Like the way she had brushed Catra’s hair that morning, or the way Catra had pulled all the nuts from her breakfast and silently put them in Adora’s bowl.

Catra turned to face her. ‘See, it’s fi- what…are you crying _again_?’

‘No.’ Adora quickly wiped her eyes. ‘I just sneezed. Silently. You know, a silent sneeze.’

‘Uh huh.’ Catra pulled her in for a quick hug. ‘It’s a good thing I like you, princess, because you’re a real mood-killer.’

Adora gave a strangled laugh.

‘Yeah, because I am the _only one_ who has been crying.’

Catra’s reply was cut off by a new voice. ‘Adora, what do - _Catra_?!’

Catra found herself leaping back into a crouch without conscious thought. Adora, a little more used to Glimmer’s sudden appearances, managed to contain herself to a small shriek.

‘Ugh, Sparkles. Learn to knock, can’t you?’ Catra pushed herself back upright and smoothed her clothes self-consciously. Sometimes her cat instincts were a _little_ embarrassing.

Glimmer stood by the door, looking like she had been hit in the face with one of Mermista’s tidal waves. But the shock was already fading and she lifted her hands into a defensive pose, a purple glow appearing above each palm.

‘Wait!’ Adora leaped between the two, arms spread wide. ‘It’s okay! It’s okay, Glimmer. Don’t hurt her.’

‘Don’t _hurt_ her? Are you deranged? She’s here to hurt _us_!’

‘No, it’s not like that. Really. Catra left the Horde. She’s not here to fight.’

‘She _what_?’ Glimmer recoiled.

‘She left the Horde. So there’s no need to…uh, panic,’ Adora finished awkwardly. Maybe it was a little late to say that. Glimmer looked like she was going to murder Catra by sheer force of glaring. Catra had a hand resting insouciantly on her cocked hip. This was not a good start.

‘Right, Adora, I see.’ Glimmer spoke slowly, enunciating each syllable with great control. ‘That’s good. Just walk over towards me, Adora, and we can talk some more. Step away from her, one foot at a time…’

‘Glimmer! I’m serious.’

‘So am I!’ Glimmer shrieked back, abandoning her attempts to be soothing. ‘Because she has clearly _brainwashed_ you and I need you to _move_ so I can _take her out_.’

‘She’s been here since last night. If she wanted to hurt me she would have done it already. Please, Glimmer. I trust her.’ Adora held her breath while Glimmer stared at them both suspiciously. Eventually the other girl dropped her hands, and their glow faded.

‘Well that makes one of us,’ she muttered. She glared at Catra. ‘What do you want?’

‘Right now I want to know if you always magic in on Adora like this. I’m surprised she hasn’t punched you yet.’

Glimmer pressed an automatic hand to her side, grimacing, and Catra barked out a laugh. ‘She has!’

‘Catra!’ Adora hissed. She clapped a hand over the other girl’s mouth, then pulled it away when Catra licked her. ‘Glimmer, we need to talk to Queen Angella. And I was going to go find her, but since you’re here…’

‘Oh no,’ Glimmer shook her head. ‘I’m not getting in the middle of that. No way.’

‘ _Please_.’

‘You could just magic us right into her throne room,’ Catra said helpfully. ‘You’re so good at that.’

‘Catra, _you’re not helping_.’ Adora took a deep breath. ‘Glimmer, until we talk to Queen Angella we can’t do anything else. I’ll vouch for Catra, like you did for me. I really - ’

Glimmer frowned. ‘Is she wearing your pyjama top?’

‘Argh! See, I told you people would notice!’

Catra shrugged, examining her nails. ‘Adora didn’t have anything else I could wear. And no you didn’t, Adora.’

‘If you could just make sure your mum isn’t busy -’

Glimmer rolled her eyes. ‘I keep telling her she needs more clothes. She always wears the Horde uniform because it’s super strong or something, even though it _freaks_ everyone out. And-’

‘Can we please _focus_?’ Adora shouted.

The other two turned to look at her, then at each other, eyebrows raised in identical expressions. The sound of the fountain in the corner of the room filled the long awkward silence.

Adora deflated, the angry tension leeching out of her shoulders until she just looked upset. ‘This is important,’ she said. ‘If we don’t get Queen Angella’s approval Catra could be imprisoned. Or - hurt.’

‘Hey, Adora.’ Catra nudged her gently, shoulder to shoulder. ‘Go do your hair again. Let me talk to Force Captain Fuchsia over here.’

‘What’s wrong with my hair?’ Adora lifted a self-conscious hand to her ponytail.

‘Trust me, you need to do it again. Your bangs are all poufy.’

‘They’re meant to be like that,’ Adora said dolefully. But she walked off towards the bathing room. They stood in silence until the door shut behind her.

‘Look. Um…’ Catra rubbed the back of her neck uncomfortably, scratching under her hair. _Choose how you want to be_ , she reminded herself. ‘I’m sorry for kidnapping you. And besieging your home. And everything else.’

Glimmer stared at her.

‘You don’t have to forgive me, or even believe me…but yeah, I wanted to say it.’

There was a long moment of silence. Saying that had felt good - strong - but the longer the silence lasted the more stupid she felt. Why had she thought she could do this? Staying at Bright Moon was going to be just one long series of conversations like this. And that was if she was lucky.

‘Okay.’

Catra looked up quickly, to find Glimmer watching her uncertainly.

‘This is very weird. But…thanks. I’ll, uh…I’ll have to think about it.’

‘Sure.’ Catra cleared her throat. ‘Um, if we can talk to Queen Angella soon it would help Adora calm down. She’ll get more nervous the longer we wait.’

Glimmer’s gaze had turned shrewd, assessing. Marginally less hostile.

The princess nodded slowly. ‘I’ll see what I can do.’ 

 * * * * *

Catra had faced down Shadow Weaver, and Hordak. Not to mention countless teenage cadets over the years. So she wasn’t intimidated by this slender rebellion queen with her flowing hair and gauzy wings. She looked fragile enough that even Kyle could probably take her out.

Physically, anyway. She must have some kind of princess mind control thing going on though, because how else would someone so ethereal come across as so powerful? Like that new kind of metal Entrapta had created, strong enough to hold ten soldiers on something the thickness of one finger. Or like Scorpia, her personality the total opposite of her appearance.

Catra quashed a pang of guilt at the thought of Scorpia, who was surely frantic by now. She’d find a new force captain to follow; it wasn’t like anyone would ever miss Catra for long.

 _Adora would,_ her conscience whispered. _Adora did. And so will-_

‘Well, then. Now that we’re alone, perhaps you can tell me yourself why you’re here.’

Catra resisted the urge to glance longingly at the door through which Adora and Glimmer had disappeared. She didn’t need to hide behind anyone. And she wouldn’t let this strange magic lady make her doubt herself.

‘It’s like Adora said,’ she said stiffly. ‘I’ve left the Horde. I’m not going back even if you won’t let me stay at Bright Moon.’

‘But why?’ The queen raised a perfect regal eyebrow. ‘You’re clearly comfortable in the Horde: you kidnapped my daughter and one of my soldiers; you persuaded Entrapta to betray us; you attacked Bright Moon. Why leave?’

Uh-oh. Catra tensed, fighting her instinct to run and hide. She’d really hoped Queen Angella wasn’t quite that well-informed. The silence dragged out painfully, because what could she possibly say? She’d done those things.

She thought of what Glimmer had whispered hurriedly as she was being ushered out the door. ‘Just tell her the truth and you’ll be fine.’ She had squeezed Catra’s hand, even.

Well, and what was the truth? She shut her eyes and tried to imagine she was back in Adora’s room the previous night. What would she say if she were talking to Adora?

‘I-’ Catra swallowed. ‘I don’t want to be that person anymore.’ Her words were quiet but strong, and it gave her confidence. She looked up suddenly, meeting Angella’s eyes. ‘But I’m not Adora. And I’m not going to blindly do whatever she says, either. So if you’re expecting another magic princess we should stop this right now. If that means you have to lock me up or kill me or whatever, then fine. But I won’t try and be someone I’m not.’ She folded her arms over her chest defiantly, trying to hide her nervous shaking.

‘I see.’ Queen Angella studied her silently. Argh, the queen looked just like Glimmer had earlier: assessing, analytical. Making her feel uncomfortably _seen_. Though probably it was fairer to say that Glimmer looked like Angella, Catra supposed.

At last the queen spoke, but the question wasn’t one Catra had expected. ‘You and Adora grew up together, is that right?’

‘Yes.’ Catra frowned.

‘How old were you when you met?’

‘What?’

‘How many years had you been alive? Were you both born into the Horde?’

‘No.’ Confused, Catra answered the second question first. ‘I don’t…the Horde doesn’t track how…old we are.’ The unfamiliar phrase felt strange in her mouth. Age mattered for machines because they wore out, but not for people. ‘I don’t really remember where I was before… I know that when I arrived I was old enough that they made me learn to read. Adora had been there longer than me - since she was a baby - but she came from somewhere else too.’

Angella’s face was as impassive as ever. Catra knew how to read moods in the Horde - all the shouting made things pretty obvious anyway - but this woman…was she angry? Thoughtful? Senile?

‘And now you are second in command.’

‘Was.’ Catra gave a hollow laugh. ‘Pretty sure Hordak’s replaced me by now.’

‘How did you get such a senior post?’

Catra couldn’t help straightening her shoulders a little. She was still proud of herself, and all her hard work. ‘I made Force Captain after Adora left. Then Hordak promoted me after we attacked Bright Moon.’ _Arggh_. That was not the right thing to say to the rebellion queen.

‘So trying to destroy my home and everyone I love proved profitable for you, did it?’ Angella stared down at her coldly.

‘Uh…’

‘What of all the lives you would have ruined? The lives you did ruin, every time you attacked our villages? Did they matter at all?’

Catra swallowed, all pride forgotten. She tried never to think about that kind of thing. It hurt too much, opened the thinly-covered pit of self-loathing and doubt that went right to the heart of her. There was no way to talk persuasively around this topic; Angella’s set and angry face told her that. And lying now to save herself would be cowardice.

‘I never thought about them. I couldn’t.’ The truth. Catra dug her nails into her tightly clenched hands and forced herself onwards. ‘Every mission was about winning. About beating Adora and Shadow Weaver, and showing them how strong I could be. How I’m stronger than them.’

‘Shadow Weaver?’ Angella tilted her head questioningly.

‘She was our…I don’t know, mentor? Leader? She was the Horde’s deputy before me. She kind of raised Adora and me when we were little. Well, Adora. She never had much time for me.’ Catra tried to keep her tone light and distant, but she wasn’t sure she succeeded.

The silence grew unbearably, so Catra rambled on. ‘Hordak imprisoned her after I got her job…he’d been powering her magic through the Black Garnet anyway, so she couldn’t fight him…’ Catra stopped abruptly when the queen stood up. She descended the floating pink staircase, then crossed the room to stare out the window. Catra fidgeted in the silence, glancing at the door again. The guards stationed against the walls stared impassively back.

When the queen finally spoke again, her voice was unexpectedly pensive. ‘I have been fighting the Horde for most of my life,’ she said softly. ‘They arrived when I was younger than you are now. I remember the confusion, the fear… no one had ever seen anything like them.’ She turned back to look at Catra. ‘I’ve been fighting them so long that I’m not sure I know how to do anything else. My heart’s desire is that they are one day defeated, and that my people and my daughter can live without war. And yet I am immortal. Could I be a peacetime queen, when my whole life has been shaped for rebellion?’

Catra stared back uncertainly. Was Angella expecting her to answer?

‘What will you do, if not be a Horde soldier?’

‘Um…’ This was a perfect opportunity to ingratiate herself with Angella, if only she knew what the queen wanted. Angella was unlike any leader Catra had ever seen. She radiated power, yes. But where was the dominance? The displays of strength? How did the queen keep control of her subordinates with only quiet talking? And how could Catra gain her trust? Flattery, or subservience, or….but no. The whole point of leaving the Horde was to be able to own herself. She wouldn’t fall into the trap of shaping herself around others again so quickly.

Angella was still staring at her, so she searched for an honest answer. There was an idea she had toyed with, late last night, once the reality of leaving the Horde had set in. Of course, she had fully expected to be in a cell somewhere by this stage, so the plan had seemed somewhat abstract. Still, it was all she had.

‘I don’t know if I could fight against the Horde straight away,’ she said haltingly. Not for moral reasons, exactly, but she wasn’t sure what she would do if she came up against Scorpia, or Kyle, or even Lonnie. She needed time to mull over that problem. ‘But I guess, I’d thought about maybe… helping rebuild some of the towns we destroyed. I mean,’ Catra gave a short, bitter laugh, ‘they probably wouldn’t want me there, but it’s something I could do, I don’t know…practically. And if I helped the places on the front line, I’d be close to Bright Moon.’ _And Adora_ , she carefully didn’t say. But Angella could probably guess that anyway.

‘Interesting.’ Angella moved to stand in front of her. To tower over her, really, serene as a statue. The pale jewels adorning her face shone like nothing Catra had ever seen. She was fairly certain they weren’t miniature runestones, or First Ones tech. So why wear them? Surely not just because they were beautiful?

Angella spoke, interrupting her puzzled thoughts. ‘However, it is not my wish that you rebuild our villages.’

Of course not. It had been a stupid idea. Catra braced for the imminent, inevitable punishment. The guards arranged around the room had been silent throughout the interview, but they would no doubt be ready to seize her as soon as Angella passed down a sentence. Would she even be allowed to say goodbye to Adora before they did…whatever they were going to do?

‘If you desire to stay in my kingdom, I task you to train my palace guard as penance for your past actions.’

Catra’s mouth fell open. She what?

‘Adora has frequently said that the Horde has more military skill and discipline than the rebellion,’ Angella continued. ‘You’ve trained with the Horde, and led troops. Review my guard. Help them to improve, if you can.’ Angella paused thoughtfully. ‘Although perhaps the Horde leads differently to what we are used to. Captain Mishka will guide you, if needed.’

‘That’s ridiculous,’ Catra sputtered before she could think. ‘Are you out of your mind? You can’t trust me with that.’

‘No?’ Angella raised an eyebrow. ‘But how will I know for certain unless I try?’

Telling a queen she was wrong was probably not the most strategic move, but Catra couldn’t contain her disbelief. ‘You can’t seriously be that naïve. No wonder the rebellion is losing!’ She winced as soon as the words were out of her mouth. That was definitely too far. _Stupid, stupid_.

Even provoked, Angella didn’t respond with violence. ‘Believing in people is not a weakness, no matter what the Horde says. And….did no one tell you that I know when people lie?’

‘…you do?’ Catra asked in a small voice.

‘Yes. It is very useful for trade negotiations.’ A pause. ‘And also for dealing with Glimmer.’

Was that a joke? Had Angella just smiled briefly? Catra gave up on trying to understand. Life outside the Fright Zone was strange in ways she had never imagined. Still, she couldn’t help pointing out more problems.

‘I told you, I can’t be one of your perfect princesses,’ she said mulishly. ‘I’m _not_ Adora.’

‘Neither am I,’ said Angella. ‘Nor is Glimmer. Adora has a gift, but that doesn’t mean that everyone else is worthless.’ Angella climbed the stairs back to her throne, leaving Catra speechless at their base. ‘And not even princesses are perfect. Including Adora.’ She turned, settled into her seat. ‘You can have a life here, Catra, if you want one. You will make mistakes, as everyone does. I expect you to try anyway, and to help others do the same. It is what I ask of all my subjects.’

Catra wanted to mock this ridiculously earnest speech, but she was worried that if she opened her mouth she would start crying.

‘If you agree to my terms, Adora and Glimmer can show you the castle this morning. Captain Mishka will collect you after lunch.’ Angella inclined her head gracefully. ‘Welcome to Bright Moon, Catra. You are dismissed.’


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So when I said this chapter would be shorter than the first two, what I mean was longer. Longer than either of them. What would I know, I’m just the one writing it ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 
> 
> Also, uh, yeah...this is now canon-divergent, what with season three and all... *cries*

The thing was, Catra’s hair was redder than it used to be. So it had just caught Adora by surprise when she’d walked through the gate into the training ground. It was the surprise that made her stop dead at the sight of her best friend. Her best friend standing in the sunshine, laughing, face scrunched up. Her best friend who had a few more freckles now, from time they’d spent together outside; her best friend with the hair that looked so so soft…

‘That’s a penalty for later, Elodie!’ Catra called. ‘No hits above the waist, remember.’ She frowned at a young girl standing in the middle of the quadrangle. Flushing, the student helped her sparring partner to her feet and collected the other girl’s staff from the ground. They took up their positions again in the middle of a chalk circle, one of many scattered around the space. Even with girls sparring and low buildings on all sides - the barracks - Bright Moon’s training ground still managed to look tasteful. The fountain in one corner helped, of course. 

‘Two more minutes!’ Catra’s voice rang out again. ‘Keep going, girls. Show She-Ra what you can do.’

Adora started guiltily and gave Catra and the guard she was standing with - Lina? - an awkward wave. She jogged towards them as Catra pointed at someone on the field and her companion nodded gravely. Someone was going to get a lecture later on poor technique, Adora suspected.

The most surprising thing about how well Catra had taken to training the guard was that Adora actually didn’t find it surprising at all. It made perfect sense, once she thought about it. Catra had had to fight for every scrap of recognition growing up, so she knew how to work hard. She knew what it felt like to struggle. She was a demanding teacher, but a fair one. There had been some missteps, of course, but over time she had earned the grudging respect of the palace guard and even made one or two shy friendships. And now these classes for younger people had started. It made Adora so - proud? Was that the word? It seemed irrational to be proud of someone else, but maybe this was a Bright Moon thing. Like aunts. And being nice to children.

At least now she had Catra to figure these things out with. And to share them with. Normally that went well - like giving Catra her first bite of cake. Sometimes it didn’t quite work out - like when she had taken Catra up on Swift Wind. For someone who liked heights, Catra was surprisingly terrified of flying and Adora had had claw marks around her waist for weeks afterwards. 

And sometimes sharing new things with Catra was….strange. Waiting for Captain Mishka after lunch that first day, Adora had tried leaning forward and pressing her lips to Catra’s cheek. Catra had jerked back in shock.

‘What are you doing?!’

‘Sorry! Sorry. I didn’t mean to make you…’ Adora had made vague motions with her hands, her cheeks flooding with colour. ‘It’s called a kiss. Perfuma told me about it. You do it to people you’re close to, to say hello or goodbye.’

‘Oh.’ Catra touched her cheek uncertainly.

‘Sorry,’ Adora repeated. ‘I won’t do it again if you don’t like it.’

‘No, it’s fine,’ Catra said quickly. ‘You can do it. If you want.’

Adora had smiled softly, and Catra had smiled back, and the whole world had seemed to pause for one sparkling sunshine moment.

With all these Bright Moon ideas floating around in her head Adora had started paying more attention to things she’d never considered much before. Like how Catra’s hair looked so beautiful in the sun. How much she liked holding Catra’s hand. How happy it made her to listen to the little noises Catra made when she was sleeping.

Adora shook her head, trying to focus. She came to a stop beside Catra and nodded at the guard. Catra leaned in to kiss her cheek in greeting and Adora’s heart felt so light she could hardly breathe.

She swallowed and smiled and completely forgot why she had come outside. ‘How are the classes going?’ She nodded at the whirling figures. That sounded reasonable. They were all focused on the training, and no one had been daydreaming about anyone else’s hair.

Catra considered. ‘Not bad,’ she said. ‘It’s only the second time we’ve given them a staff to fight with. I still wonder if it’s too soon.’

Lina rolled her eyes. ‘We’ve had this conversation about five times,’ she told Adora. ‘Catra worries too much. I keep telling her that you’ve got to let children push their boundaries. You can’t wrap them up like precious glass.’

Catra tensed and looked out at the training ground, jaw set. If there was one thing the Horde could _not_ be accused of, it was overprotecting children. Horde cadets would have been fighting with worse things than staves at half the age of these students. And getting punished when they lost, too. Adora casually reached over to squeeze Catra’s hand. The tightness around Catra’s mouth eased slightly and after a moment she gave a gentle squeeze back.

Oblivious to the byplay, Lina called the training session to a close and started the girls on stretching. Elodie the high-hitter was sent running off to the kitchen to collect a barrel of apples.

Adora raised an eyebrow. ‘That’s her punishment? Being the one to collect the food?’

Catra shrugged. ‘It’s how they do things. They’re always helping each other improve and saying things like “you tried really hard.”’ She bumped her shoulder against Adora’s playfully. ‘Just imagine, princess. If you’d grown up here you could have been nice to people all day long.’

‘Is it a problem when you’re training them?’ She surveyed the field pensively. Training was important.

‘Nah.’ Catra flicked her ears. ‘I thought it would be, but it balances out. They-’

‘Catra!’ Lina jogged over to them. ‘The girls asked if you and Adora would demonstrate the sparring for them.’

Catra grinned. ‘I’m afraid I don’t have time to thrash Adora today. We’re going to Thaymor.’

‘Oh, that’s what I came out here to tell you! I forgot.’ Adora flushed. ‘Scorpia sent a message to say we should go tomorrow instead. Something about the new water pump flooding the village.’

Scorpia and Entrapta had turned up at Bright Moon’s gates two days after Catra. Adora still wasn’t sure how Scorpia had pried Entrapta out of her technological nest; all Catra had passed on was that Scorpia could get very fierce about friendship. And just as they had been grappling with that arrival- which included a skiff full of science-y things and a surprising number of robots - Lonnie had turned up with Kyle and Rogelio in tow. At Adora’s incredulous look, Lonnie had shrugged.

‘We’re out looking for these two,’ she had said, jerking her head at where Scorpia was doing her best to project Friendly and Non-Threatening towards the Bright Moon guards. Entrapta was out of sight, working on something under the skiff.‘But our nav equipment isn’t working and we can’t find our way back to the Fright Zone. So upsetting. Guess we’d better stay here where we can keep an eye on them.’ Lonnie’s deadpan delivery was scarily reminiscent of Mermista.

Angella had decided to put these new defectors to work rebuilding villages, as Catra had initially suggested for herself. Entrapta tended to stay in the castle, tinkering away in one of the basements, but she churned out a steady stream of inventions to help the rebellion. Some were more successful than others - witness the exploding water pump - but she always fixed what she broke. Eventually. Mostly. Today’s visit was the latest in a long series of back and forth between the castle and the village as the Horde defectors settled in.

‘Huh,’ Catra grunted. ‘What do you say, princess? Ready to lose?’

Adora was already rolling her shoulders. ‘You wish.’

‘They were practicing the first two movements today. Say we do one through five, then free combat?’

Adora nodded easily.

‘No giant sword ladies,’ Catra warned.

‘Fine. But no singing, enlisting outside help, faking an injury, or leaving the circle.’

‘Singing?’ Lina blinked.

‘Ugh, you’re so _boring_.’ Catra rolled her eyes. ‘Let me leave the circle at least - I can barely turn around with your giant shoulders in there.’

‘The circle, but not the training ground.’ Long experience had taught Adora that specificity was essential when negotiating with Catra.

‘Done. One round, five counts and you’re out.’

‘Deal.’

It wasn’t until they were facing each other, staves in hand, that Adora wondered if this maybe wasn’t the best idea. Adrenaline pulsing through her body, the heavy weight of a weapon in her hands, Catra’s look of determination… it was an unwelcome reminder of all the times they’d fought in deadly earnest. At best, she was probably going to end up crying her eyes out behind the barracks when this was over. At worst…

Then Catra’s expression changed ever so slightly: an incremental shift of the eyebrow that Adora recognised from countless panics she’d had back in the Horde. _Are you ok?_ the eyebrow quirk asked. _Want me to get you out of here?_

She smiled back at Catra, tension easing out of her body. Catra, the centre of her world. Catra, who was healing along with her. Catra, who had cried just as many tears of regret since their reunion as Adora had herself.

‘I’m ready,’ she said loudly.

Catra didn’t wait for anything more. She swept her staff forward, hitting Adora’s at waist height, and Adora returned the move with an identical sweep. The same, for both of them, on the other side. First move complete. Catra pushed the head of her staff towards Adora’s knee this time, on the same side as the first strike. Again Adora blocked it, and again she returned her own strike.

The simple moves calmed her further. She and Catra had done this countless times over the years. They could do the movements with their eyes closed; one year, in fact, they’d been required to do so.

Now the careful footwork forward and back, the moves becoming ever so gradually more complex. Fourth move now, and- Adora glared. Catra grinned back, unrepentant. That behind-the-knee attack was definitely _not_ part of the first five movements. She twirled into the fifth move in retaliation, skipping over Catra’s turn. The spin gave her blow extra force and Catra staggered. Belatedly Catra completed her own fifth movement, and then it was time for the free combat.

Speed was always Catra’s advantage and there was no way Adora could beat that, so she focused on strength and technique. Catra stumbled backwards after a particularly powerful hit, but managed to use the extra space to plant one end of her staff on the ground and swing around at Adora feet-first.

Adora was dimly aware of occasional gasps and murmurs from the watching students, but they weren’t a threat - and they weren’t in the way - so she pushed them out of her mind.

The fight was out of the circle now, moving freely across the packed dirt of the training ground. They were pushing each other to the limit, but somehow it felt different to all those times they’d fought on opposite sides of the war. Less fierce, less bitter. Catra grinned as she danced out of reach again and Adora realised with surprise that she was smiling too. There was something joyous in moving like this, a competition but also a chance to show off her strength and skill. She’d always loved the sheer physicality of cadet training, and training with Catra was best of all. Catra, who she knew so well and loved so dearly…

She stumbled and Catra was on her instantly, pressing the advantage. In the ensuing flurry of staves and limbs Adora was guiltily conscious that she was only giving half her attention to the fight; the other half of her mind was endlessly looping her last thought.

Love was one of the things Angella had told her about in a private and very educational conversation a few months ago. Love, and desire, and… her thoughts trailed off as Catra knocked her to the ground and leapt into a crouch over her, trying to pin Adora down with the staff against her neck. It wasn’t enough to expel this interesting line of thinking though. If she was honest, she’d known she loved Catra almost as soon as Angella had described what love was. It was just a lot to adjust to; a whole new way of thinking - again, after all the other new ways of thinking she’d learned since coming to Bright Moon. And this new physical awareness of Catra, now that she had words and ideas to articulate how she felt… well, it was distracting.

Even now, putting a hand to Catra’s waist to throw her off and roll out from her attempt at an immobilising hold - even mid-fight - she was thinking about the curve where her hand had rested, and how she could have pulled Catra closer rather than pushing her away.

Catra was bearing down on her again, staff raised. Adora managed to get to one knee and bring her own staff up, and then Catra was on her. They struggled for long moments, weapon pressing on weapon, faces less than an arms’ length apart, eyes locked. And had Catra’s gaze dropped to Adora’s mouth for a second? Or was that her imagination? Adora bit her lip experimentally. Catra’s eyes flicked downwards again and Adora used the distraction to throw her backwards.

Adora scrambled to her feet and the fight was on again. But now, as they traversed the quadrangle, through attack and counter-attack, as Catra leaped onto the _roof_ (‘Catra!’ ‘I’m still inside the training ground, princess!’), Adora couldn’t get that new heat out of her mind. And - maybe Catra was thinking the same thing? She seemed to be pushing into Adora’s space even more than she normally did, her eyes full of mischief and invitation. Her fighting was exuberant, pure exhibitionism, even though they were both tiring. Adora was conscious that she herself was trying to impress Catra; was touching her skin to skin far more than the moves really required.

And then a lucky feint allowed her to knock the staff out of Catra’s hands and use a shoulder to shove her to the ground. She threw aside her own stick and dropped on top of Catra immediately, pinning her down by dint of extra body weight. Trapping Catra’s wrists either side of her head neutralised her claws.

Catra abandoned the struggle over her wrists and focused on pushing upwards with her thighs, trying to throw Adora. Unsuccessfully.

‘Gah, you’re so heavy,’ she panted. ‘How does Swift Wind even carry you?’

Adora just grinned, recognising the lack of malice in the words. Knowing how bitterly Catra regretted using words to target Adora’s deepest insecurities, when they’d been on opposite sides.

Catra still wasn’t above some playful insults…but then, neither was Adora. And there had been a lot fewer opportunities for misunderstanding each other once they’d decided to talk over the good things and the not-so-good-things from the day before sleep each night.

Adora ignored Catra’s muttering and focussed on the minute shifting of Catra’s body underneath her own. That would signal Catra’s next attack. Catra was smaller, but she was strong and flexible and her tail kept lashing at Adora’s side, even half-trapped as it was.

She was so primed for Catra’s next move that it took Adora a moment to realise that Catra had stopped struggling. Her attention was locked on Adora’s face, her eyes wide. Adora was suddenly very aware of the press of their bodies and the way Catra’s chest was heaving with each pant and the fine, thin wrist bones under her hands. Catra’s thighs softened underneath Adora’s legs. Not only not fighting, but welcoming.

Adora’s loosened her hands absently and shifted her weight. It would have been the perfect moment for a counter-attack, but for some reason Catra stayed still. She swallowed convulsively and Adora stared at her neck in fascination. Such an interesting line, delicate but strong, curving up to her chin and her jaw and oh help, those freckles…

Catra seemed to be conducting a similar survey. Her eyes flicked up to the wisp of hair that had come free from Adora’s ponytail, her gaze full of wonder. Down to Adora’s lips again. 

‘…and five. The fight goes to Adora!’

Lina’s loud voice crashed into the little universe they had created around themselves, startling them both. Adora scrambled backwards awkwardly, the cheers from the cadets - students - ringing in her ears. She reached out a hand to help Catra up. They were both breathing heavily and moving slowly, but were saved from having to say anything when their audience came clamouring around them. Pats on the back were distributed liberally to both winner and loser. In the noise and general confusion, Adora was able to avoid Catra from the moment the fight finished to the point when the last of the students filtered out of the training ground, rubbing sore muscles and talking wildly.

Catra didn’t seem to mind about losing - although the actual outcome was debatable, in Adora’s opinion - but she was definitely distracted. She rubbed a hand on the back of her neck in a nervous habit she hadn’t used since her first few weeks at Bright Moon.

‘Uh… want to go to the hot springs? Get cleaned up?’ she offered diffidently.

‘Yeah.’ Adora gave a tentative smile. ‘I’d like that.’

 

Sliding into the hot water felt so good that for a moment Adora could forget about the strange tension in the air on the walk from the training ground. Bright Moon had perfectly pleasant bathing chambers - certainly nicer than a Horde locker room - but the hot springs were a luxury she would never get tired of. Set in the little forrest behind the castle, the hot springs fed a series of pools with temperatures varying from lukewarm to almost unbearably hot. Some were connected by little waterfalls, while others were so hidden amongst the trees that you almost couldn’t see them.

They had chosen one of the latter type, of middling warmth, empty at this time of day. Voices floated towards them occassionally, drifting along with the steam that wafted through the trees from the hotter pools.

They sat in silence for a while, both leaning back with their eyes closed. Bow and Glimmer had done their best to welcome Catra - for the most part - but sometimes they still exuded anxious energy when they were all in a room together, which was a bit much to take. Or maybe it was just nice to have time alone.

Adora opened her eyes and surveyed Catra across the pool. She had put her hair up - well, Adora had done it for her - to keep it out of the water, and the messy bun surprised Adora every time she saw it. She liked it, though. She liked it a lot. And she liked the way the shorter bits of hair near Catra’s temples brushed her cheekbones, and how her cheeks were flushed with the warmth of the pool, and the way her eyebrows were so dark against her skin…

Adora cleared her throat and Catra’s eyes flew open.

‘So…’ Adora focused moving her hands back and forwards through the water, even though she could touch the bottom. Slowly she made her way across the pool. ‘You know how friends kiss each other on the cheek?’

Catra’s forehead crinkled. ‘Mmm-hmm?’

‘Well, there’s - there’s another kind. Of kissing, I mean.’

‘Oh.’ Catra’s tail flicked spasmodically, just visible under the water.

Adora stopped in front of her, one knee resting on the bench between Catra’s thighs. The water lapped around their shoulders. Catra’s eyes were wide.

‘It’s...usually just something you do with the person you like the most. When you find someone you want to be with all the time, and you want to touch them, and...’ Adora did some quick internal editing. Probably best not to go into _everything_ Angella had told her right now. ‘It’s like being friends, but more. Like Spinnerella and Netossa. Angella told me it’s called being in love.’ She tugged anxiously on a piece of hair hanging over her shoulder. Here goes. ‘That’s how I feel about you. That’s how I’ve felt for a long time. But I didn’t know...what it was. How to say it.’ Another pause. How could this be so difficult when Adora had gone over what to say _so many times?_ ‘Angella said that people can kiss as a way of saying they love each other.’

She finally met Catra’s eyes, but it was impossible to read anything there. She hadn’t laughed, at least. Adora leaned forward slowly and lifted a hand to cup Catra’s cheek.

‘It’s like this,’ she whispered, and brought their mouths together. 

Catra didn’t pull away, which was a good start. And she kept not pulling away as Adora experimented with exactly how you were meant to do this. Adora had shut her eyes - she hoped Catra had too - so all her senses were focused on the soft press of their lips together. It felt like falling asleep, and flying on Swift Wind, and snuggling into a pile of Bright Moon’s fluffiest pillows. Comforting and frightening and oh, she wanted more and more and…

Adora put her free hand on the edge of the pool, conscious of her weight on Catra’s legs. She used the leverage to try moving her head a little, brushing backwards and forwards over Catra’s lips - even nuzzling her nose.

Adora had been excited by a lot of things since joining the rebellion: food that wasn’t a ration bar, clothes in all different colours, baths and horses and green summer grass. And though this didn’t feel exactly like what Angella had described...there was a cramp in her calf and they held each other awkwardly and she was pretty sure she wasn’t meant to be thinking _quite_ this much... Even so, this was better than anything else, ever.

She was wrenched out of her racing thoughts when Catra’s arms slid around her waist. Oh, yes. More of that, and tighter, yes, exactly. Even though they didn’t know what they were doing, Adora was so glad they were doing it together.

Catra still held herself carefully contained - not rigid, exactly, but almost like for once she was doing the same anxious over-thinking as Adora. But she was so soft, anywhere their bodies pressed together. And her hair brushed against Adora’s hands in the nicest possible way. And, and, and...

She ended the kiss gently, face lingering near Catra’s. Unexpected tears had sprung up again, so she squeezed her eyes closed and pressed their foreheads together. They stayed like that for long moments, breaths mingling, bodies still. Finally Adora gave a shaky laugh and moved back far enough that she could look into Catra’s eyes.

‘Was that okay?’ she asked softly.

Catra gave a shy nod.

The silence was making her nervous again, but Adora couldn’t regret what she’d done. ‘I wish I’d done that years ago,’ she confessed.

Catra laughed, startled. ‘Me too,’ she said at last, flashing a dazzling smile. ‘I...really liked that.’

‘I meant it. Everything I said before. You’re the most important person in the world to me. I think about you...all the time. I miss you when you’re not around. I like being near you and making you laugh and just looking at you...I mean, you’re so beautiful and I just freeze up and I want to touch your hair but I can’t say anything and-’

‘Hey.’ Catra grabbed her hands, cutting off the increasingly anxious stream of words. She tangled their fingers together and gave an encouraging squeeze. ‘I feel the same way. I’m... what did you call it? I’m in love. With you. A lot.’

Adora couldn’t stop the enormous grin spreading over her face. She had never, ever thought anything could feel this good. She pressed another gentle kiss to Catra’s mouth.

‘I’m in love with you too.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The kissing on the cheek thing (and Catra being all ‘Keep doing that!!?! I mean, uh, if you want...’) came from a post on tumblr and now of course I can’t find it to give credit. Apologies to you, unknown author of this adorable idea. If it’s you and you’re a) not happy, or b) want me to credit you properly, please get in touch :)


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